So i know it has been way too long since my last post and i keep promising to get better at this. at sharing my thoughts and what is going on in my life. lots has been happening! God has been working on my heart and leading me in new directions in how i think he wants me to serve. i have made some hard decisions but i feel good about them and there is such a peace in what i have done!!! it is amazing how joyful life is when we are obedient.

a lot has been going on in our family!!! ben has turned 16!!!! i am sooooooooooo old!!! zach will be a middle schooler in the fall..... soon they will all graduate!!! fair was ok this year...long and hot!!! i complain about it but i am already looking forward to next year!

i sit here tonight with such a heavy heart though and find it hard to be joyful. my little 16 month old niece has been diagnosed with a brain tumor.... we are sitting here at riley hospital waiting to hear a good report that it is operable...i pray it is so!!!! it has been an extremely long day and sleep eludes me. why do i find it so hard to trust and rest in the fact that my God has it all under control???? even though i know that no matter what it is all going to be ok why do i feel so afraid? sometimes my faith feels so small.... but through it all i must keep trusting. that is what faith is....letting go and letting God be in control.... boy that is a hard one for me!!! if you happen to read this please say a prayer for clara mae!!!! she is so sweet and cute... i just love her to pieces...pray for her mommy and daddy who love her more than anything...pray for her nonna and poppa who love her in that special way that only grandparents can.... pray for my kids her cousins who love her in a way they never knew was possible and pray for me that i can rest in the fact that no matter how much i love her my God loves her more and he is with her all the time!!