the past 6 months (but especially the last 3 weeks) have been extremely hard at our house. and these past 3 weeks have just killed me. i have felt so broken. i can't even come before the Lord and pray for my meal without just breaking down. i do struggle some with depression and this time of year is hard for me. i love fall and i know winter is necessary but i want to go straight from fall to spring. i long all winter for new life and growth. i desire warmth and sunshine. i know that doesn't sound strange. many people feel that way but, i get so bogged down in it and it feels like i am sinking and may never surface again. it is a sad, lonely, and horrible feeling. there are things that get me through this and i am thankful every day that God has given them to me. my family, the Word, and music. (for those who don't know me well there is always music playing somewhere in our home. i have even turned my kids into music bugs!)

i have been involved in a bible study at church and i am so far behind on the homework.i never seem to have the time for it. the past 2 weeks of the videos have just cut me to the quick. i cant even watch them without crying. they have been so true and on time. i have thought that i was really relying on God these past few months and i know i have always trusted that he will be there but, i have to ask myself have i really?have i studied like i know i should? have i prayed and had enough quiet time like i should? no, i know i haven't. maybe God is bringing me to this place of brokenness these past few weeks to say "HEY YOU!!! OVER HERE ITS ME!!! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TALK TO ME!!!"

i am thankful God loves us enough to reach out to us even when we get bogged down in our own sludge and junk. i am thankful that He always wants to hear from us no matter what. it amazes me that he wants whatever we have, be it broken or dirty or old, he is not picky. i am thankful for that. what i have to offer is not always worthy in me but everything in me is worthy because of Him.

" My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise."
Psalm 51:17